are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize