I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
The Olympian is in my bed
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
