Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize