i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
