Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize