Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
