I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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