That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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