I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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