Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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