i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
