Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
