Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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