Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
