I'm gonna have a badass scar
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
