Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
