I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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