xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
