your parents love me but you hate me
did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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