i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize