I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
