i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
