Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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