Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
