Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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