ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
