Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Randomize
