Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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