Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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