I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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