Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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