I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Is it because I queefed?
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize