I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
