Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
