thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
