it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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