OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
