Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
