Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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