what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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