The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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