Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
