Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
