hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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