Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize