god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
