You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
