I have demons in me.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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