hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
