I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Randomize
