i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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