Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
