Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
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