in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
