can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i think my mom watched the whole time
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
and you fell through a lawn chair
Randomize
