How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Randomize
