seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
