the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
