Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
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