Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
