i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize