Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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