i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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