and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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