you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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