Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
