Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
