i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
