Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
