People in love make me want to vomit
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
