where am i from again
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
