Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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