Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
