So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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