3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
