Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
