I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
